Literary Narrative

Ever since I was a little girl my Mama always told me, “You should always love yourself before you try love somebody else." I never really understood what she meant and always brushed it off when she told me. My mother and I never had the best relationship so I really didn’t think I needed to listen to her. I wish I would have respected my mother’s word and took her advice at the time. I wish I would of asked questions and not let my young teenage attitude control my behavior. I finally understood what she was talking about the first time I got my heart broken. It was my junior year of high school and it seemed like it was one bad thing after another. We were together for almost a year and a half and I thought everything was great. We were both stars on the basketball team and everybody thought we were the dream couple to be. He was there for me when I was in the hospital for a weeks and doctors didn't know what was wrong with me and brushed it off when they saw I was getting better. My mom and I around that time did not have the best relationships. He was there for me when my mom and I had our big blowups. He treated me the way I wanted a boyfriend to and I was really happy. I thought we were going to be together forever; until things got bad on his side of the family. He was the class clown always wanting to be the center of attention but once that happened he was always mad and never wanted to be around people. The way he performed on the court was different and the way he treated me was different. The way he talked to me, the way he hugged me, the way you say my name had all changed. He had changed. He was the love of my life at least I thought and when our relationship ended I thought my world had come to an end. I let this break up change me. Before I was always happy I loved to make people laugh and there was never a dull moment with me but after our break up it seemed like everything about me faded away. My family and friends could see the changes but I just couldn't see it. My heartbreak had blinded me, it had blinded me from seeing how he was mistreating me, it had blinded me from seeing the things he was doing and it had blinded me from seeing things that I was doing to myself. One day after I was fed up with trying to fix the relationship and tired of the pain and tired of the crying I tried to take my life and ended up in the hospital for two days. It was a shock to my whole family. That was the lowest I had ever felt. It was a very scary time. My emotions were all over the place and I just could not find peace. Sitting on the uncomfortable hospital bed in a plain white room I just stared at the ceiling. The room was empty and had just enough space for the bed and a chair. It wasn’t pleasant and was very boring looking at four white walls. I was on watch for 24 hours. They didn’t let me wear anything but a white gown and some bright yellow socks I guess it was for my safety but wasn’t it a little too late for that. Everything was blurry. I was confused. I didn’t understand why I did it but I did. I could hear my mom and dad outside the door but I couldn’t make out what they were actually saying. I wondered what was on their mind. I felt bad I that I put them through this. We all were confused and didn’t know what to do next. My family was allowed to come sit with me after the first 24. My dad sat in the chair and my mom stood beside him. There was an awkward silence in the room. No one wanted to be this first to speak plus I don’t think anyone had anything to say. We stared at each other and I could see the pain a caused them. Their oldest child and only daughter sitting in a hospital bed because of her own doing. I had to apologize but I didn’t know how. So I sat there, another hour went by and I knew it was time to take action and break that silence. I straight out said “I’m sorry!” They looked at me, blank expressions on their face and tears forming in their eyes. They came closer to me and gave me a hug. I guess that was there way of accepting it. That hug was all I needed. It showed me they cared and that I was not by myself. Even though what I did was a bad thing I needed it to show me what I did have and what I needed. If I would've known what I know now I promise you I would've never been in that predicament. I finally understood when my mother was talking about. When I got through my head that she wasn't just trying to talk my head off with stupid little things about how she lived in the old days: she was trying to transform me into a proud woman. She was trying to get me to understand that no one can ever put you in a bad place if you didn't want to be there . She was trying to tell me that if I love myself it will make me see how I am supposed to be treated. It will make me see that I will not put up with just anything. My heartbreak was a lesson that just needed to be taught. I am so happy that I have that woman in my life because she has been there for me through everything. She showed me that I do not need anybody to be happy I could be happy by myself. I have learned so much from this woman and I'm grateful to have her. I don’t know what I would do without her. Even since then me and my mother’s relationship has gotten stronger.That experience made me a better person. It helped me mature and showed me right from